Ain't Nobody Gonna Die Today

Alabama comes to town while Texas looks for redemption

              There was a vomit filled stench in the Burger King of the O’Sheas Casino in Las Vegas. It was 24 hours after the Longhorns lost to Alabama in the Rose Bowl and myself and a group of friends were journeying from Pasadena to Breckenridge with a brief 12-hour pit stop in Vegas sandwiched in between. I sat and listened to my roommate (a Texas offensive lineman normally known for his constant positivity) lament about the events of the game the night before. The Burger King was a wet, window unit type of cold, it was illuminated by intense fluorescent lights and the linoleum floor was freshly mopped, but it couldn’t cover that freaking smell. I have no idea why we were in there, except now when I think about that game, I can’t help but recall the putrid aroma in the air and what my friend said about the national championship.

In summation, he felt that the team prepared so hard for a game they never got to play, Colt McCoy’s tragic absence from the game robbed them of the payoff for their hard work. They felt cheated by something, maybe the football gods, bad luck, Nick Saban’s mystical dark forces, who knows. I can still recall his dejection and I remember the emptiness of that stupid Burger King and I think about how since the hit to McCoy’s shoulder by Marcell Dareus, Texas Football has been equally soulless. The Crimson Tide went in the opposite direction, becoming the greatest dynasty college football has ever seen under. In those 12 years, Alabama has won six national titles and lost only 17 games, not to mention their lengthy scroll of alumni now dominating the NFL. Texas has had four head coaches in that same span and averaged 5.5 losses per year and we just shouldn’t talk about the draft.

They meet again on Saturday (bright, hot and early for all of you college students) for the first time since the collision that served as the inflection point of when Longhorn football spiraled into a deep dark abyss. The Longhorns are 20.5-point underdogs at home and Alabama is on a revenge tour after a “rebuilding year” in which they won the SEC Championship and produced a Heisman trophy winner in returning starting quarterback Bryce Young. Saban has finally lost to some of his proteges in 2021, losing to Kirby Smart and America’s best snake oil salesman, Jimbo Fisher. You can bet Saban doesn’t want to give Sark the same privilege.

The Longhorns on the other hand, are fresh off another 5-7 year and a loss to the team you should never lose to. Nevertheless, excitement in Austin is high due to Steve Sarkisian’s roster upheaval, staff additions and the return of some exciting veterans. Fair or not, Saturday will serve as a measuring stick for Texas that shows how far they’ve come or how far they still have to go. The Longhorns are young and are probably a year away from real contention, but, the unthinkable upset would finally turn the page to a new era and maybe even rid my memories of that awful Burger King death funk.

Here are 12 thoughts on Texas/Alabama 2022 (For Colt)

1)      Fans and media look for narrative symmetry in all sports, it’s one of the few areas of life where we can find redemption in the way we want it to be defined, the conquering of past demons. I have always been a big Spurs fan and the 2013 Finals loss was one of the toughest moments of my sports life, I mean I stayed up and watched No Country for Old Men TWICE after Ray Allen’s shot. I hardly watched sports the following season, too broken by the crushing defeat. Then the next year, the Spurs performed a bloodletting that washed away the pain of that loss. Now I’m at peace with my Spurs fandom, because nothing will ever top that moment. A victory Saturday would be the ultimate victory for narrative symmetry: mighty Texas emerges from the desert to avenge Colt and that fateful Rose Bowl. “Texas is back” memes would stop and Texas would just be “here” alongside the contenders like Alabama, the long journey through the wilderness complete. Right?

2)      Wrong, sports are far fuller of moments that lack redemption and symmetry proves elusive. Football doesn’t care about our desire for narrative. Texas’ status as a great football power crumbled 12 years ago, but not at the hands of Alabama, no the Longhorns lost their way because they cheated on the process that made them great. Mack Brown stopped recruiting the right players, hiring the best staff and searching for new ideas. Charlie Strong and Tom Herman came in knowing how to do a couple things, but lacking a coherent plan or grand strategy. Alabama has risen to the heights that it has because of Saban’s addiction to process and his ability to constantly evolve. Nick Saban has mentioned that their program doesn’t talk about national championships, they stick to their plan and trust that said process brings about results. So, if Texas were to compete or somehow win on Saturday, it wouldn’t be due to a mythical light switch of redemption being flipped, it would be because Texas has finally instilled its own process that works.

3)      Texas had a 6-game losing streak last year, their longest in decades. They couldn’t close games and blew multiple big leads against good opponents. The defense stunk and the offense faltered as games went off script. Sark had to change something, so he brought in Gary Patterson to serve as an ombudsman for the program, he made great hires with the additions of Tashard Choice and Brennan Marion to the offensive staff. He didn’t look at simple counting stats that said Casey Thompson led the Big 12 in passing touchdowns, therefore he must be the starter. He demanded more from the quarterback room and he added Quinn Ewers from the portal. He signed a top 5 recruiting class that consisted of seven offensive linemen, four of them top 100 players. At every turn, Sark tried to relentlessly upgrade the program with an influx of roster and staff talent. At the same time, Sark has stayed true to himself, he didn’t point fingers or play the blame game in the way that some Texas coaches have. He also didn’t lower his standard for the type of recruits he pursued in the way that Tom Herman did. He accepted the fact that Texas needed more while also trusting that his vision was on the right track in the first place. He emulated his sensei (Saban) in that he adapted while staying true to himself. Texas had the big leads that they had in those games for a reason, something was going right with the process and hopefully he’s identified what went wrong. A win would speak volumes, but what comes after against Big 12 opponents will be the true litmus test. If Texas were to somehow beat Alabama, then go on to still lose four or five games then it’s obvious it is still a process in progress.

4)      Mullet mania can descend upon Austin because Sarkisian didn’t settle at the starting quarterback position. Hudson Card started strong last year, developed nervous happy feet and got benched, but then showed improvement against West Virginia. Card stuck in the program when many wouldn’t have, improved further after another offseason in the system and reportedly almost won the job until evil boosters held Sark’s feet to fire and demanded Ewers start. Card would have been a safer pick for Sarkisian if he’s trying to simply raise the team’s floor. He knows the offense and is reportedly more careful with the football than the Favre-esque Ewers. But, Sark’s not interested in floors, he knows that Quinn Ewers is the key to this offense reaching anything close to its ceiling. Ewers is the only quarterback besides Vince Young to be ranked #1 across all recruiting services and he possesses arm talent and a lightning quick release of the football. The young quarterback looked shaky in his first series against ULM with an interception to start his Texas career. Then Ewers drastically improved throughout the ULM game as Sarkisian calmed him down and simplified the game plan to one he knew would work for his quarterback. The two showed their compatibility already. With Alabama in week 2, Sarkisian knows that he can’t keep the training wheels on for long and he says “they’re off.” Ewers is a gunslinger and he’ll need to let it rip for the Longhorns to have a chance. A neutered offensive strategy that limited a young quarterback from his playing his preferred way cost the Longhorns the last time they played Alabama.

5)      Speaking of quarterbacks, the Longhorns made shockwaves over the summer as Arch Manning committed to Sarkisian over Georgia and Alabama. Burnt orange glasses wearers like myself can envision that perfect world where Ewers goes #1 overall in the draft after a Heisman and passes the reins to the next great Manning passer. The truth is that quarterback succession plans are always clunkier, but even so, Manning’s commitment speaks volumes about Sark. If the first family of football is trusting their third generation to Steve Sarkisian over Kirby Smart and Nick Saban, then why shouldn’t we trust him too?

Arch Manning @ArchManning

Committed to the University of Texas. #HookEm

6)      The loss against Arkansas last year exposed that Texas wasn’t ready for trench warfare in the looming SEC. Sarkisian and offensive line coach Kyle Flood prioritized getting bigger on the offensive line and added five stars Kelvin Banks and DJ Campbell, while also signing four stars Cole Hutson, Cam Williams and Neto Umeozulu. Banks and Hutson start on Saturday, getting to prove themselves against Bama’s all world defensive end duo Will Anderson and Dallas Turner. Alabama has special talent along the offensive and defensive lines and that battle will decide the game, possibly exposing Texas again in the process. On the other hand, it’s a chance for Banks and Hutson to prove how special they are and put the SEC on notice. On the other side of the ball, Texas has young defensive lineman like Barryn Sorrell and Byron Murphy who have flashed and shown promise, but the pass rush was sorely lacking last year. Defensive coordinator Pete Kwiatkowski even admitted it was non-existent. Texas needs its veterans on the defensive line to have the biggest game of their careers, looking at you Moro Ojomo, Keondre Coburn and Alfred Collins.

7)      I allow myself to have a glimmer of hope in this game when I remember that despite Alabama having Bryce Young and Will Anderson, Texas might actually have the best player on the field in running back Bijan Robinson. It’s not basketball where one player totally changes the game and furthermore, running backs rarely win games single handedly, but a game plan where Texas is able to run Robinson straight at Anderson and Turner behind the Texas tight ends might be the key to victory. Robinson makes great mustard and he’s undoubtedly the most special talent the Longhorns have had on the 40 Acres in over a decade, but the thing Robinson has missing from his resume are wins. He’ll most likely be drafted in the first round this spring, ending a long drought for Texas and Robinson’s best football is ahead of him. He will always be loved in Austin, but in order to be in the pantheon of great Longhorn running backs he needs signature moments that don’t get washed away by the tide, pun intended.

8)      Xavier Worthy would be Alabama’s best wide receiver, I don’t think that’s debatable. The Fresno native was Sarkisian’s first recruit and the greatest bright spot of the 2021 Longhorns season. If he hadn’t been on the team last year then the season would have been a bleak hellscape worthy of a Cormac McCarthy novel. Success in Sark’s offense is predicated on the ability to hit the deep ball and that’s one of the primary reasons he elected Ewers as his starter. In Week One against ULM however, Quinn and X-Man missed on all of their deep attempts. It’s a tall order, but Ewers has to connect with Worthy over the top of Alabama’s defense for this to be a competitive game. Ewers and Worthy are roommates and we know the announcers of the world are dying for a Colt/Shipley roommate redux in Austin. Tight end J’Tavion Sanders also gives the Horns a dynamic at the position that they haven’t had since Jermichael Finley in 2007. Throughout the 2010s, the Longhorns had rosters full of players who didn’t belong at Texas and they wouldn’t have sniffed the field at Alabama, but finally Texas is at a place where they have a few players at key positions that the Tide would probably love to poach.

9)      Critics love to say how much talent Texas has while often ignoring attrition and bad evaluations. The Herman era was riddled by both. But, a few of Herman’s players remain and by all accounts, they have done their part to try and change the culture of the program. Team captain Roschon Johnson willingly switched to running back and would now be the starter for probably 110 teams in the FBS. Jordan Whittington has fought through injury time and time again to be a leader and key playmaker. DeMarvion Overshown has changed positions multiple times and is finally in a role where he can focus on chasing the ball over reading defenses. Anthony Cook, D’Shawn Jamison, Collins, Coburn and Sweat are all signature signees of the Herman era who didn’t expect to still be in Austin when they signed. Yet here they all are, with their chance to leave Austin with the program in a much better place than where they found it.

10)   Every time I talk myself into Texas being able to win this game, I remember that last week Texas dropped a punt and a hold on a field goal. Losing this game because of special teams would be my personal hell. But hey, though our kicker looks like Sideshow Bob, his last name is Auburn after all and we know that might haunt Saban.

11) The argument on whether or not Texas fans should rush the field in the case of a victory is stupid, rush the damn field if you beat Saban and Bama. There hasn’t been an occasion where a field storming would be warranted in Austin for 30 something years, until now. I hope we get the opportunity to debate whether a field invasion and carrying a goal post down South Congress and tossing it into Town Lake was the right decision or not, but I’m not holding my breath.

12)   Prediction time – Alabama 41, Texas 20.

Is this how we’re going to end this?

I can’t do it. I am a narrative sucker and when I think about this game, I think of the Nappy Roots song Good Day.

You know today I just woke up and I said
You know instead of waitin' on a good day
Waitin' around through ups and downs waitin'
On something to happen I just say
We're gonna have a good day

We're gonna have a good day
And ain't nobody gotta cry today
'Cause ain't nobody gonna die today
Save that drama for another day
Hey, we're gonna have a good day

Texas 38 Alabama 34. Let’s have some narrative symmetry.

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One final thought: When Texas was dismissing Mack Brown, they went for Nick Saban and it almost happened, but Brown thwarted it or maybe Saban just wanted a raise. Then Texas had two unsuccessful hires from the Urban Meyer coaching tree (which might be made up of all rotting limbs). So Texas went for Urban himself, only to be rebuffed for Jacksonville where Urban managed just one victory and a lap dance. The Longhorns ended up on Sark, from the Saban tree by way of Pete Carroll. On Saturday, Saban and Urban Meyer will be in Austin. Saban obviously coaching Bama and Urban is back hosting Fox’s Big Noon Kickoff as if he never kicked his own players in Jacksonville. A lot of what ifs are intersecting this weekend.