The Transitive Property
A brief speed bump against Wyoming raises some small concerns about the Longhorns and calls a familiar defense mechanism to the surface for Texas fans.
Irrational college football fans use the transitive property more than anything else they learned in math class growing up. But in the event it’s been a minute since you took high school geometry, the transitive property of inequality says that if A is greater than B, and B is greater than C, then A is greater than C. Simply put, it allows me to feel better about my team while making you feel worse about yours. I employ it each week when comparing the Longhorns to their rivals and it might be the most insane bit of mental gymnastics I display every weekend. Just look below at how the transitive property enables us to talk trash to our future conference mates like LSU, for example.
The transitive property allows us to engage in pissing contests with every fan base in the sport, because without it, we wouldn’t be able to compare resumes to the 128 other teams that aren’t our own. This principle has been the fuel for Texas and Texas A&M’s rivalry that fell into Cold War in 2012. Look how both fanbases could have used it in the same season to justify their team’s superiority over the other. (For the record, Texas was better that season.)
Maybe more than anything else, the transitive property will talk the fan-in-need off the proverbial ledge. You can call on it when your Texas Longhorns are tied 10-10 with the Wyoming Cowboys at home at the start of the fourth quarter only a week after beating Alabama by double digits on the road. You apply the transitive property like you would a soothing lotion to your skin. When Texas doesn’t cover the spread against the Cowboys, you remind yourself that Florida State beat Boston College by only two points, or that Georgia was down big at home to Spencer Rattler and the Gamecocks. This past weekend was 2023’s rendition of “Everybody Sucks Saturday,” a time-honored college football tradition that occurs at the beginning of a season in which all the contenders struggle with lesser opponents and then point fingers at one another as they point out one another’s flaws.
The transitive property isn’t exclusive to teams either - you can also apply it to players. Sure, Quinn Ewers barely completed 50% of his passes against Wyoming, but JJ McCarthy of Michigan threw three bad interceptions against Bowling Green! (Is that a real school or a nine-hole municipal golf course in Plano?) It can even backfire on you, like when Alabama struggles against South Florida and you start questioning your own legitimacy. But finally, it teaches you to learn ridiculous factoids to boost your confidence, such as Texas is the only 3-0 team in the country whose victories have all come against teams that played in a bowl game in 2022! I mean, wow, I read that blurb and sprouted imaginary giant eagle’s wings. If we were like the Aggies, we’d be grafting it into the side of DKR so that all the departed Bevos could read it from Heaven. All in all, the transitive property is a defense mechanism. It’s a college football fan’s method of self-preservation for the war of attrition that is the fall. The longer it lets you grasp hold of straws, the further you are from facing your team’s unfortunate realities.
Fortunately for Texas, those realities aren’t at the doorstep yet and the Longhorns are 3-0 for the first time since 2012. A light show, Xavier Worthy and Jonathon Brooks made Texas erupt for its second straight 21-point fourth quarter and they defeated Wyoming soundly, 31-10. I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention defensive back Jahdae Barron, who seemed to be the only Texas player who didn’t come out of the gate with a hangover from the high of the Alabama victory. Barron is one of the best playmakers Texas has had in over a decade and on Saturday he posted six solo tackles and ruined countless Cowboy offensive plans. But besides Barron and touchdown-catching nose tackle Byron Murphy, Texas sleepwalked through the first three quarters.
Eventually, a Worthy burst to the endzone off a screen from Ewers, Brooks’ tough running, and Jerrin Thompson’s pick six showed that the Longhorns were done playing with their food. The final score doesn’t reflect the fans’ nerves throughout the game though. For instance, my heart rate vs Wyoming got to 159, while my high for the Bama game was only 123. Thankfully Texas was never as concerned as I was and the Longhorns never panicked, but they did play down to their competition early, just as they did in the first half against Rice. We’ve now seen Texas play up or down to the level of its competition in three consecutive games.
Nitpicking Texas’ best start to a season in years feels as though my wife went to the grocery store and bought a ton of snacks, but when I opened the pantry door, I decided to complain about what was missing from our shelves. I feel bad picking nits, but they’re there whether I call them out or not. Texas has improved in many respects, such as where Sarkisian’s Longhorns once started fast and ended slow, they’re now doing the opposite. If you had to choose one half to be on fire offensively, you’d take the second half every time. But, here are the concerns that became heightened after the Wyoming win:
1) Human Nature
Steve Sarkisian mentioned on his Thursday zoom call with reporters that quarterback Quinn Ewers asked if the team could conduct a players-only meeting last week. The topic of the meeting was to make sure the Longhorns were focused on Wyoming following the program’s biggest win in over a decade. I spun that nugget in my own mind as if it were proactive, but it might have been reactive to the team’s vibe following the win in Tuscaloosa. Texas is in uncharted territory for the Longhorns’ program, which now is ranked #3 in the AP Poll headed into Big 12 play. Last week you saw Wyoming’s coach, Craig Bohl, say that the Longhorns were the best Texas team “he’s ever seen,” and numerous college football analysts say that Texas was the best team in the country. In the same way I want this article to be retweeted and shared, Texas players want to read their positive reviews. It’s human nature. The Longhorns have a roster full of veterans and have made it clear that their goals are way out in front of them, but with each win, the outside noise will get louder, and the Texas players will need to remain focused like they were in the fourth quarter against Wyoming and, I hope, for complete games.
2) Sark’s Impatient Play Calling
I feel bad about critiquing Sarkisian’s biggest flaw, especially after witnessing Charlie Strong’s disorganization lead to kicking off in two consecutive halves, or Tom Herman’s turtling, which made almost every game come down to the wire in a slog. Though after 2-1/3 seasons of Steve Sarkisian at Texas, I think I know his. Sark seems compelled always to go for the knockout punch early, when oftentimes jabs would do the trick and break his opponent down more easily. I get that he’s trying to build the Longhorns into a juggernaut prize fighter like he had at Alabama and USC - such boxers don’t let many fights last long. But that’s hard to be in college football with an inexperienced quarterback and an offensive line that is still young. Saturday saw Sarkisian go three and out on his first possession with three straight passes and later he attempted a reverse on 3rd and 1 in the redzone. The overly-aggressive play-calling in those two instances serves as a microcosm into his mindset. When Jonathon Brooks finishes with 164 yards on 21 carries, with most of that coming in the fourth quarter, you wonder if Sarkisian could get his offense into a rhythm sooner by not throwing haymakers in the first round.
3) Small Game Quinn?
Quinn Ewers’ biggest games in a Texas uniform have come on the grandest stages. He’s lived up to the hype when playing Alabama, Washington, or Oklahoma, but against opponents where Texas is favored, he’s struggled. The common theme in those big games? Prep time. One can assume that the majority of the Longhorns’ fall camp prep the last two seasons has been devoted to the Crimson Tide. Before last year’s Red River Shootout, Ewers had missed four weeks and was able to plan for an Oklahoma team on life support. Though Texas lost the Alamo Bowl, Ewers looked sharp after three-plus weeks of bowl practice for one opponent. Fans like me need to remember that Ewers has played only 13 games in college, after essentially taking a two-year sabbatical from competitive football. But, Ewers needs to show that he’s able to dice up teams that he hasn’t had weeks to prepare for, especially when they throw junk defenses at him like Rice and Wyoming have done.
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Last week when I was expecting a Longhorn muscle flex in the form of a 70-3 beatdown of Wyoming,1 I’d planned for this article to be a farewell to the Big 12, the only conference I’ve ever known as a fan. But, the game went differently than I expected, so that piece will have to wait. Saturday marks the beginning of the end for the Longhorns and the start of their farewell tour as Texas goes on the road to face Baylor in Waco for the final time. I don’t think Baylor will be tarping off any sections of McClane Stadium for this game, as Texas will face the first of the many bitter crowds they’ll see this season. This time it will be in the form of a green- and yellow-clad fanbase that will be juiced up on Hibiscus Teas and Avocado Toasts from Joanna Gaines’ Magnolia Table. A win would make Baylor couples so frisky that they might decide to hold hands and read Song of Solomon together with interlocked fingers. The Longhorns should spare them from that kind of angst. Saturday is Texas’ first chance not to play down to its competition in 2023 and put the rest of the conference on notice for a potential reckoning. The Bears are starting a freshman backup quarterback and are a disappointing 1-2 after losses to Texas State and Utah. After a disappointing 2022 season and this year’s slow start, Coach Dave Aranda’s seat is warming up, but an upset win over Texas would cool the heat down considerably. Aranda was quoted at his Monday presser: "I can't tell you how many times this offseason I heard 'Dave, just win this one game - the Texas game.” The Longhorns saw last week that they can’t afford to mess around with their opponent, and they should make sure those Baylor prayers aren’t answered.
Texas 41 Baylor 16
I wrote last week that I was expecting a 2008 Texas versus Missouri type of performance. I was wrong. The writing was on the wall when I got to my seat and the girl next to me was reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. She knew what kind of night we were in for.