Wear the black hat

It's time for Texas to embrace the fact they're the villain.

My first “sports” love as a kid wasn’t football. No, I first fell for something with more choke slams, spandex and steel chairs. It was 1995 and my older sister¹ brought over one of her boyfriends, forgettable in every way besides turning the television on. That act let me witness Hollywood Hulk Hogan’s N.W.O. run wild on the rest of the WCW. From then on, I was hooked. Hogan was always flanked by his big talking, yet weaselly, manager Eric Bischoff. On the screen, Bischoff could cut a promo and rile up a crowd with the mic alongside wrestling’s best talent. Behind the screen, Bischoff was the brains behind the storyline that captivated fans to TNT’s Monday Night Nitro, stealing them away from WWE’s RAW. Bischoff’s creation of the NWO launched the “Monday Night Wars” for ratings between the two companies. I was reminded of Bischoff last week when I saw Big 12 Commissioner Brett Yormark’s remarks to a group of Texas Tech boosters in Lubbock and I’ll admit there was a five-year-old boy somewhere inside of me who appreciated what he said.

It was like a monologue you would see a character give at the beginning of RAW or Nitro. In said promo, the character’s music hits, then the heel (bad guy) or face (good guy) struts to the ring, grabs the microphone and fires off a diatribe toward his rival. After it’s over, the storyline is advanced, and the stage is set for that night’s episode. But most of all, it serves as a kick-starter for the live audience. The character’s words are meant to draw a pop (a positive reaction) or heat (a negative response) from the crowd, which is now rapt with anticipation. Professionalism, integrity, and bias aside, Yormark ensured that in Texas and Oklahoma’s final year in the Big 12, nobody will be able to look away.

Let’s not forget where Brett Yormark came from, because it’s far from the Llano Estacado. The Big 12 didn’t hire him to promote fair competition or serve as a neutral arbiter of the universities athletic departments. They appointed him to build a brand in a world without burnt orange and crimson. That became more obvious when Steve Sarkisian pointed out that he received a “letter about sportsmanship” from the commissioner “the day before” he spoke in West Texas. Sarkisian rhetorically asked what we were really promoting? That might be a question for some, but for Yormark, the answer is clear. He’s a modern carnival barker, an entertainment mercenary, a consummate promoter and someone who is flooded with LinkedIn endorsements for creating spectacle. Yormark has constantly been tasked with getting more eyeballs on whatever product he’s schlepping and to that end he’s succeeded everywhere he’s been. He started his career in television before working with NASCAR and finally he served in various roles for the Brooklyn Nets, The Barclay Center and Jay Z’s Roc Nation. He was then brought into the Big 12 after Texas and OU sent their Dear John letters in 2021 and he was tasked with keeping the conference afloat and securing a new television rights deal, which he did. Like a Bischoff or Vince McMahon, he also raided talent from another organization, effectively killing the PAC 12 a few months ago with his addition of four of their teams.

I don’t believe the Big 12 commissioner truly prefers Texas Tech to Texas or Oklahoma State to the Sooners. His resume shows he isn’t stupid - he knows his bread is buttered by a group of institutions resembling scorned lovers left at the altar, they’re who appointed him, they’re who he serves. The commissioner is playing to his base, like any good entertainer masking as a politician would. He’s doing his job in the exact way he knows how. So, are you not entertained?

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Let’s examine a few of the responses to Yormark’s comments that I’ve seen from Texas fans. The first two are weak, while the third one is the appropriate response.

PARANOIA

Professional wrestling bills itself as “sports entertainment” rather than a sport, and that’s where the issues with comparing it to college football begin. We accept the scripted outcome with wrestling because the viewer is in on the charade. It’s okay for the WrestleMania referee to be a buffoon and completely miss obvious chicanery because the viewers sign up to suspend their disbelief while watching. But football works because the viewers believe that when the ball is kicked off, the only parties affecting the outcome of the contest are the participants themselves. Even if they were just words meant to boost ratings (which I believe they were)², the commissioners’ comments inspired Longhorn fans to be filled with paranoia about a possible fix coming down from on high, influencing the officiating in a given game and spoiling Texas’ farewell tour for a fanbase currently buzzed off burnt orange Kool Aid. I’ll admit that for a second, I had PTSD thinking about a repeat of the atrocious and seemingly nefarious officiating on display in the 2015 contest between Texas and Oklahoma State in Charlie Strong’s second year in Austin. Though that type of game will be the fear in the back of all Texas fans’ minds all season, the fact of the matter is that the Longhorns have the opportunity to leave no doubt as they leave for the SEC. Texas has its most talented team in over a decade and is favored by oddsmakers to win the conference for the first time since 2009 - and they have no excuse not to. Blaming the refs for outcomes is a loser mentality, it’s a mindset that isn’t fit to wear burnt orange and white.

Texas can determine whether Brett Yormark has to present it with another trophy in December at Jerry World.

DISBELIEF

It also shouldn’t come as a surprise to Texas fans that Brett Yormark’s comments were cheered by the Red Raider faithful and the rest of the Big 12’s fan bases. Texas (and to a lesser extent, Oklahoma)³ won’t be greeted with tribute videos, farewell flowers or cards that read “thanks for the memories” upon their departure. It’s not high school graduation, nobody is getting their yearbook signed. Texas and Oklahoma left its seven other conference mates for dead. I don’t think they owed those schools anymore than they’ve already given them, but it’s ignorant for Texas fans to expect pats on the back and fare-thee-wells.

For too long, Texas has wanted to be the heroes of the story, but anyone can watch college football on Saturday and will notice fans from Starkville to Morgantown performing the “Horns Down” gesture once they’re on camera. Texas might have the largest brand in college athletics, half a million living alumni and countless fans, but they’re indisputably the villain.

I asked a friend to help me make the cowboy hat in this image of Steve Sarkisian black. Instead of using his skills in graphic design, my friend turned to AI. The AI then generated this terrible image of Sark in a tiny black cowboy hat that looks like he’s going to a Halloween party dressed like Yul Brynner. Watch any movie folks, AI is evil and it’s awful.

EMBRACE

Commissioner Yormark’s comments on the South Plains weren’t the only thing from that event that made the news. Tech coach Joey McGuire completed his first round of interviews for the future Oklahoma or Texas A&M job when he stirred up the Lubbock crowd further by calling Texas a “so-called blueblood” who was “really good at Olympic sports.” He also said that the Red Raiders were going to show Texas and Oklahoma who “runs the conference.” Though McGuire’s comments about Texas’ athletic program as a whole are demonstrably false, it’s the fault of Texas football’s performance the past 13 years that he could make such a claim.

https://twitter.com/InsideTexas/status/1696197851582283993?s=20

For too long, Texas has been likened to the Death Star in Star Wars, a destroyer of worlds if the weapon could ever become fully operational, but the machine’s fatal flaws transform it from an all powerful weapon to a colossal joke. A nightmare to a punchline. Unlike when a student from a mid-major school chants “We want Bama” in the stands, “TEXAS IS BACK” is drenched in irony and has become a meme because Texas has had an annual tradition of not actually being “back.”

Sarkisian’s words on Monday showed a coach “embracing the hate”⁴ and a leader demonstrating the correct response to all of this commotion. When asked for his comment on the words from Lubbock, he replied that his program “can't just sit back and keep taking punches, and it's just okay. At some point, you have to go hunt, you have to punch back, and you have to fight back. That's what we're imploring our veterans to do."

Everyone sees Texas as the villain. To the rest of the world, the Longhorns wear the black hat that Westerns once reserved for their biggest baddies. This season will determine whether the Longhorns villainy is still something still to mock or if it is terrifying (again). Wiley Coyote and the boogeyman are both bad guys after all, but they evoke polar opposite responses from those they attempt to haunt.

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The constant hate proves everyone is always thinking about Texas and they’ll all still be thinking about the Longhorns even when they’re in the SEC. But, Texas controls the nature of their rivals’ thoughts. If the Longhorns accomplish their goals this season and change the narrative, then they’ll get the last laugh. The bad guys will have won. I envision Texas channeling Don Draper from Mad Men, turning to its former conference mates who are still yearning for attention and telling them “I don’t think about you at all.”

1. Congratulations to my sister (who 1000% doesn’t read this), but after our father reads this she’ll be receiving all of my inheritance.

2. Even if they weren’t just words meant to draw attention and Yormark was actually dumb enough to openly admit to a clear rooting interest in a game in which he’s supposed to be neutral, it’s still better that the quiet part was said out loud. A 2015 repeat becomes much harder now.

3. I am still baffled as to why Oklahoma is being viewed as an unwilling participant in Texas’ evil scheme. You’d think the Sooners would want to portray themselves with more agency, but they’re quick to hide behind the Longhorns.

4. Newsflash, because too many people in Austin are sensitive (I can say it, I’m from here, I live here) “Embrace the Hate” has been cancelled.